Fiction or reality? As I sit writing about this my body flusters with anxiousness to get what I've been thinking about all day off my chest. I want to cry and to laugh at the same time while still grasping the thought that if I keep myself together and move forward, everything will be alright. I kind of want to scream at the world, for making me feel this way and for influencing how everything works. Figuratively speaking of course. But a big chunk of me doesn't want to believe that the cards dealt today are false, fictional pieces of paper meant to lure people in with pseudonymous fantasies-BUT, I believe it. Whether it's my spiritual intuition or not..I believe it. Each and every bit of it. And it's not one of those ok ok, I believe. It's one of those I BELIEVE. Not because others do but because I need to, for myself. In order to stay alive. If I don't believe in something I just might disappear. I want so badly to be cured and out of this funk. I want it so badly, that my heart aches with the thought of letting go. I've let go of so much these past months and the previous year that I feel like I have nothing left to hold on to. And if I do have something left, I want to keep it forever. But as I was told today, that's just not how it works. I want change, I need change. KEN, I really hope you come through because you're the only thing that's giving me hope. Please, come through.
"Only love is all maroon
Lapping lakes like leary loons
Leaving rope burns --
Reddish ruse ".
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