Its Been Too Long

                     Hello, dear blog.

                     How I've strayed for far too long. Know that, I AM BACK. I've returned with more thoughts for your pondering, more words for your processing. I've returned as a mother, a wife, a nurturer. A night wanderer, a sleepless dreamer forever dreaming. A discombobulated but somehow, semi-organized functioning being. Yes, a being..I am only human. And I too feel. I feel the world 100 fold. And as I stand here in my kitchen at 8:23 in the morning, nourishing my soul,  I am tired. A little defeated from my nights watch. I no longer desire comforts for myself, so long as my little is the one who is entirely comforted herself. But aside from being a little less than rested, I still stand. Eating cold but very delicious leftover shredded chicken breast from last nights sandwich dinner and of course, some avocado on the side. My point is, in life, you should take what you can get. I am a mother. The revolving winds are not meant for me to enjoy, but to have learned from them. So that I may teach my future kin, now present, what it means to be free. I live to watch my daughter live. Every single moment. My heart can't contain how much love I feel for her, so it constantly surges throughout my entire body. No one has ever experienced true love, until they have loved a child. And that's how I shall leave you, on this return post. With my child pressed against me, our hearts beat in unison.

California Dreaming

Minor Update

"It's time that the tale were told, of how you took a child and you made him old.." The Smiths are ringing in the speakers. Marzi left tonight, going to head to Shon's since he's away in Taiwan this month. So I'm just sitting in bed contemplating whether to just relax or open some deep pathways to creativity by doing some henna. I've realized more than ever now listening to the smiths that I am way too obsessed. I also didn't realize I've been staring at all the butterflies in the middle of my room. They're breath taking.. the way they just sit there, frozen in time. Completely in tact and untouched. Oh, have I mentioned he takes my breath away?..

Addicted to Beauty

I'm addicted to getting tattoos. Addicted to looking at myself in the mirror and seeing a beautiful person staring back at me. I like the way the deep blue stands out on my pale fingers and how when I'm typing or doing things like fumbling with zippers it makes them look almost elegant. I get lost in the symmetry of the fly traps on my chest. I have a subtle darkness on my bicep in the form of a cat mask. It's like my form of a gang sign. The most recent addition-my snake and dagger on my thigh is what has been capturing me the most. It's mostly chunky scab but where the scab has fallen off there are promising flashes of rich color and consistency. Its an addicting little trade but I can't seem to break away.

Christmas

Spirit. I wish, no I really want to have some. This is the third straight christmas I will be having without a christmas tree. You have no idea how sad this makes me.. Not only because it's one of my favorite holidays but simply because it was the one time during the whole year that I'd get to see my family and whatever we squabbled about throughout the year would just evaporate. It seems that everyone around me is picking up the spirit and easing in to the cheer it brings but I remain unaffected. I work, I go home. It's meaningless.. I want so badly to see the lights, the snow, to smell the pine of the tree. I want to stay up all night decorating, making gingerbread cookies and having that impatient tick to know what's wrapped up underneath. I want my family and most of all I want love on Christmas.

Roll Pop

Despite how much I love them,the truth is I only listen to the rolling stones because it reminds me of my dad. It was a different era on magnolia street. Almost out of a polaroid with a yellow hue.