Shoulda listened when they told you so..

Shocked none the less, and torn..but life goes on, right?... The universe really knows how to throw blows and I guess I should learn to bounce back but I just cared a little too much.

Portals

I'm laying in my bed looking out my windows in to the sky. I live on the last floor so naturally my room is full of the vast blue and shape shifting clouds. Just a slow distance ahead I can make out the Statue of Liberty and the burning sunset that looms above it, threatening to melt it to the ground. It looks like a storm is near, the air is thick with moisture and if you look up, it almost seems serene. It might be my imagination but I swear I can see a rainbow bouncing in and out of the silvery puffs, they're almost like doorways, to another world some land untouched by human hands. The sun low, clashing with the clouds look like a gate coming down. Easing closer to the pavement, edging you to slip through its wide orange-y gap. There are still patches of sapphire and faint aquas here and there but the remaining clouds are gray slate colored sheets looking to gulp up the sky. Whirling and spinning shapes that grab, they move at such a speed you'd think a turtle could outrun it, but by the time you blink a few times, its gone. And then you forget about it. I see a plane flying in to that abyss and I can only wonder how vivid the world above must be. The sheets deceiving, looking sturdy enough for a late night stroll. UUUAHP, the curtain of clouds just rose, revealing the headline of the show, the Great Big Sun. Its too bright too look at so I'll settle for a peripheral view while I type these words. It's bullying me now, being ever so right as I peek at it with one eye. It's curse, making my eyes perceive yellows and blues.

BE

"Be a stronger woman. You might think it's hard but you can do it. You ARE doing it. You're just letting the world slow you down. Don't let it keep you stuck. Don't let it make you weak or make you think your a lesser person- because you're NOT. Get your head out of the clouds, get your head straight. Set all your emotions aside and live your life for you. Stop worrying about everything else. Everyone else. Make yourself happy. It's only up to you."


I chant that every chance I get but I can't seem to feel like I'm never good enough. Not to be loved or cherished or looked for. I know it's not right, I know. I need to find some way out of this.