Flume

Why does everything exist? For what? Why do we have such heightened emotions? How come we get bruised? Why do I feel this way? And why do i care so much? fuck..

Tarot Cards

Fiction or reality? As I sit writing about this my body flusters with anxiousness to get what I've been thinking about all day off my chest. I want to cry and to laugh at the same time while still grasping the thought that if I keep myself together and move forward, everything will be alright. I kind of want to scream at the world, for making me feel this way and for influencing how everything works. Figuratively speaking of course. But a big chunk of me doesn't want to believe that the cards dealt today are false, fictional pieces of paper meant to lure people in with pseudonymous fantasies-BUT, I believe it. Whether it's my spiritual intuition or not..I believe it. Each and every bit of it. And it's not one of those ok ok, I believe. It's one of those I BELIEVE. Not because others do but because I need to, for myself. In order to stay alive. If I don't believe in something I just might disappear. I want so badly to be cured and out of this funk. I want it so badly, that my heart aches with the thought of letting go. I've let go of so much these past months and the previous year that I feel like I have nothing left to hold on to. And if I do have something left, I want to keep it forever. But as I was told today, that's just not how it works. I want change, I need change. KEN, I really hope you come through because you're the only thing that's giving me hope. Please, come through.

"Only love is all maroon

Lapping lakes like leary loons

Leaving rope burns --

Reddish ruse ".

Oh Hello

I didn't think you'd come so soon. I thought it might be a while until I noticed you. But now you're here and more bothersome than ever. I can't get you to stop or simmer down. Sometimes you make me nauseous and a little nervous. I'm not quite sure what to tell you or what to say even..I guess you've caught my breath and I guess you choke me up. I don't know what to say, I'm in love.

---------------------------------

Not much has happened in the likes of my world. I eat, I sleep, I work-my ass off. I've recently been trying to apply for jobs because retail simply isn't for me. I hate it, I CAN'T STAND IT. When I think about waking up and going to work, I'd rather walk in front of a truck. And I assure you I'm not being dramatic. I sincerely dread walking through those doors. Too many morons, too much work, too little pay and no appreciation. "OH, sure- I'll make 10,000 gift bags for you in 2 days.....SURE I can get that done" Are you fucking kidding me? And upon all the slave labor my boss can't even do a fucking power point presentation on his own. It's like he wants to be Cesar and be fanned and fed fucking grapes. Get me coffee, write this, go pay that..UUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMM, excuse me- but being your assistant is not in my job description. GO FUCK YOURSELF you asshole.

Sorry, I'm just venting.

---------------------------------

The only thing I'm looking forward to is my vacation with Janet, going out to visit Dale for his pre-bday treat and just fucking relaxing with the both of them. Peace.